client stories
Gail Berles' Journey- Developing Self Confidence Was Key
Gail grew up the youngest of six children in a farming family. By the time she was 13 years old her four older sisters were all married and her brother was living in an institution due to mental health issues. She heard very strong messages about the role that was expected of women and that was that they should either get married or become a nun; they should work hard, go to church, and help people. These messages were relayed strongly from her mother and Gail says that she worked to follow the “script.” Gail remembers her mother always helped people and even though she had only completed the 8th grade, she still helped at the school by being a substitute teacher. There was no encouragement for further education; in fact, neither of her parents attended her high school graduation ceremonies. Religion played an important function in family life. Gail attended a parochial school where she enjoyed and appreciated a strong sense of belonging; however, she struggled with students being asked to consider lifetime careers centering around celibacy and self-sacrifice. She felt guilty and alone in her decision to take a risk and enroll in college. She reflects on the fact that those internal struggles may have led her to disguise herself as confident, happy and carefree even though she found solace in the “party scene” at college, so much so that she transferred out of a four year college after the first year. After discussing it with her mother, she began at a vocational school in Rochester where she could get a certificate in Human Service. It was at this point when her mother unexpectedly died of a heart attack. Gail felt completely lost and on her own with no guidance. She bounced around to a few different jobs, took some more classes, and used alcohol to help her cope. Gail’s first bout of depression came after returning from a trip to Alaska where she found seasonal employment which had sustained her for 5 months. Upon returning to Minnesota she was hospitalized for six weeks and discharged with a poor prognosis. Services to help her cope were very limited at the time. Medications for depression were at the very beginning stages – experimental. Thinking back, Gail says that she felt that she was emotionally where she was when her mother died.
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Gail married and had two children. Her marriage was short-lived and Gail found herself alone again with two children to support, one of whom had strong ADD issues. She had no social support system and felt unconnected. She found parenthood and the isolation of poverty to be more than she thought she could survive, even with the help of psychologists and medications for depression. It was about this time when she first came to Life-Work Planning Center. She says, “I didn’t have to apologize for who I was; I could just be me. The process was affirming. I was doing the workshop just for me and there was no punishment. My self esteem grew as I realized that I could work to stop all the negative messages that I believed. Even though I had gone through counseling, the Life-Work Planning Center workshop gave me a sense of boundaries that I never had before. Other people’s needs weren’t more important than mine and I started looking for like-minded people.” During the career development part of the workshop Gail found that she really wanted to become a social worker but wasn’t quite ready to follow through. Instead, she got a job and worked in social helping fields and tried to make ends meet. When it got to the point where daycare and transportation costs outpaced her paycheck, she found the confidence within herself to go back to college. In addition to her diagnosis of depression and anxiety it was determined that she had ADD. She juggled working part-time at MRCI and going to school which she loved. In December of 2006 Gail graduated from MSU with a bachelor’s degree. In February, she married her long-time friend, and in April she came back to Life-Work Planning Center to figure out where to go from there. She now had “good stress” and wanted to give herself some time to think about all the transitions that she had made. She came to redefine herself and gain perspective. In September Gail started a full-time position as a Social Worker for Sibley County. She now has the confidence to write her own “script.” - - Christine Olson Peer Counselor |
